


On The Edge Of Breaking Down

by YoukeyH (Vampisticated)



Category: American Idol Season 8 RPS
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Community: hc_bingo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-24 07:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampisticated/pseuds/YoukeyH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. <i>His angel.</i> </p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Edge Of Breaking Down

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my [](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/profile)[**hc_bingo**](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/) **[card](http://youkeyh.livejournal.com/6411.html)** under the prompt ‘ostracized from society’. Somehow inspired by the song ‘Welcome To My Life’ by Simple Plan.
> 
> posted on livejournal [here](http://youkeyh.livejournal.com/11416.html)

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?_   
_Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you_

   
It was just like every other day. Always the same case. Adam comes home and goes straight to his room. He didn’t even bother greeting his mom anymore, not like what he used to do. He guesses she understands. When he finally closes the door was the moment he finally lets himself break.

  
 _Do you ever want to run away?_   
_Do you lock yourself in your room?_   
_With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming_

   
 _If I could just get out of here_. The thought had been in his mind for some time now. If he could get out of here, he can finally be free. He could finally be himself without the fear that someone would send him a hateful look or even give a snide comment. He walks to his desk and cranks up the speakers until he’s sure the volume would drown out his cries and screams. He flops face-down on the bed on the other side and gets it all out. He cries until his eyes were puffy that he couldn’t even see. He screams until his voice was hoarse that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to belt out in music class tomorrow.

   
 _No you don't know what it's like_  
 _When nothing feels alright_  
 _You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

   
He doesn’t understand. Even when he’s more mature mentally than other kids his age, he still doesn’t get it. He was so sick of everything. It was like a nightmare that he gets to relive everyday. He didn’t choose to be what he is. Its bullshit when people say you are the one who decides to be gay or not. Being gay is not some lifestyle you get to decide. He was born gay. He won’t hide himself because of people who are too ignorant to understand that.

  
 _To be hurt, to feel lost_   
_To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
You feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

  
He feels lost, but he doesn’t exactly know why. He feels like he should be taking a different road for his life. Not like this. Like he’s forced to live in the same hell everyday. To be hurt by the same words every time. To live in fear that one day someone would take it a step too far. The past four years have changed him. He’s not the same person that everyone knew. He knows that they can’t see it. He had been really good at masking his real self away from people. He can’t rely on anyone, he’s not some princess from some fairy tale that has a prince charming to save him from evil people. Sometimes, he feels like giving up.

  
 _Do you wanna be somebody else?_   
_Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more  
Before your life is over?_

  
There are times when he wishes he was just like the others. He wishes that he was just a jock that’s good in some sport and getting girls. Or some prep that’s always been envied by his peers. But the reality is he’s just some choir kid that hit the growth spurt too much with red hair and a whole lot of excess weight. He wants to be remembered. He wants to be somebody else. If he can’t, he feels that all of it will be over.

  
 _Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_   
_Are you sick of everyone around?_   
_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding_

  
Everyone says that high school is not forever. Though it is true, you can’t make a kid in high school understand that. It might not be forever, but right now? It feels like it. He just wants it all to be finished. He doesn’t think he could take another day of faking everything. He doesn’t want to face people who live a life that is not them just to fit in. The rumors. The hate. The plastic smiles. The pretension. _The hurt._ He wants it all to end.

  
 _No you don't know what it's like_   
_When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

  
He’s still lost in his own little world that he didn’t hear the door open. The side of the bed tipped when someone sat. He doesn’t need to look to know who it is.  
   
“Go away...”  
   
“Why?” A hand touched his shoulder. He tries hard not to flinch, reminding himself that the hand belonged to someone he trusts. The only person he knows won’t hurt him. He’s not like the others. He’s special.  
   
“Coz’ I want to be left alone. Please.”  
   
“You know that’s not what I’m asking Adam.” Even his voice sounds sad.

  
He rolled around until his blue eyes met brown ones. “Then what is it?” He asks with more heat that he intended to. He tries not to notice how he flinched from Adam’s tone.  
   
A hand touches his cheek. “You know you’re not alone. The words people use to hurt us might not be all the same. But I know how it feels. I know how it feels.”

  
 _To be hurt, to feel lost_   
_To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
You feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

  
“I know you’re hurt. You think I’m not hurting? Just because I face everyday with some optimism doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.” He looks away from Adam to look at one of his posters. A small smile appeared on his lips, but it was mixed with sadness. “Don’t worry, if you get lost I’ll find you. _Always._ ”  
   
When he looked back at Adam, Adam had to hold his breath. The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. His angel.  
   
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll always find you.” And Kris kissed him.

 


End file.
